three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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