brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think I just sharted jello shots
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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