I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
