i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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