Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize