I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
