No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
