When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
