I smell stomach acid.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
