Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
