I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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