They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
