totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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