Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
