speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
