Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
