I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
