Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
