I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize