so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
