i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
