She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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