we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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