dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
