I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
