i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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