the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
