Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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