I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
