So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
