Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Swine flu is the new snow day.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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