I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
