I got chris browned last night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
