weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
