The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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