o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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