like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
