so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
