do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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