is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If its not for food we ain't going out.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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