do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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