is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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