I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
