I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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