My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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