Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
