I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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