Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize