Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
