It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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