dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
