I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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