I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
