i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
