I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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