Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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