Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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