just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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