whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
