Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
