Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
