wakey wakey hands off snakey
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize