He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
