so that wasnt chicken after all
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
