I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
