The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
