It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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