Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
