no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
