I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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