they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
