What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
