cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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