You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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