so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
