So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
