Plan B is the new Plan A
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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