He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
