we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
