dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
