Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
