Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
