I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize