He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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