I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
