Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
