Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my shit smells like andre
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
