Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
