One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
