just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
