Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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