How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
