I wannas sexs uuuuu
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
