My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
