i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she told me i tasted like america
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
