The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you would pick up someone in the library
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
