I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize