We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
