someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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