somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
