After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
