He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
