I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
