just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
