He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
