So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
