Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
